Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Step One and THEN Step Two

Oh, the things you need to do before you get to where you want to be.

I need to live with my mother and step-father until I'm settled - with a permanent job and place of my own.  It feels, at times, like I never will again walk into my own living room or kitchen.  I know I will but I want it tomorrow!

I'm impatient these days, wanting to perform step three before I finish step one.  In a sense, I am starting from scratch again.  For over twenty years, I was part of a loving twosome.  Though I moved to the coast last fall, I needed to get my bearings, both literal and figurative.  I needed to learn to see the coast as a new resident, not just as a tourist that I've been for so many years.

Tomorrow, I go to Adecco for a job interview.  I'm nervous, but practically bouncing up and down with excitement and impatience.  I want to do the interview now!  I want to work towards the independence I've worked so hard to develop and need to re-learn now as a "single" person.

I'm going to school now and need to complete  the math I quit in high school.  Not being strong, at all, in mathematics, I quit math in grade 10 out of a sense, then, of hopelessness and frustration.  Now, in order to get into a Bachelor of Arts program in English, I need to not only re-acquaint myself with mathematics, but to persist and maybe even learn to enjoy it.  To quote a cliche, I always seem to want to put the cart before the horse.

Step One before Step Two; crawling before walking.  Remember!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Our Girl, Sirrah!

Our Girl, Sirrah!
Written by Patti White

Your ears point forward, your tail waves happily back and forth as you poke your nose
through a space in the fence.

I only got to know you for 3 weeks
And I could never leave for a walk with you without my camera.
You took my breath away
And put me under a spell, where I didn't dare miss anything--at least that's what I was afraid of.

It seems you sailed over a fence, effortlessly.
I don't know where you are for a little while then see you run up to me, as if to check where I am just as
much as I'm looking for you.

I see you, now, at the side of a handsome, dark-haired gentleman.
He's on his knees and cuddling you around the neck the way I always loved to do.
He died before he got to meet you, but now, I do believe you're together.
Your mouths are both open in joy as you both collapse in the grass.
You roll onto your back, exposing your tummy and he rubs it, the way you loved it
when we all did.

You watch over your whole family from your place just above the house.
Nothing, no dog, can take your place in their hearts or mine.

In your short life, you took care of all of us
And I'll remember your gentle, soulful eyes and ways both playful and graceful.
Thank you, Sirrah, for being more than man's best friend!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

The Coastal Gloaming

Scotland has a famous song that is still sung today although I haven't heard it lately.  "Roamin' in the Gloamin'" speaks of the most beautiful time of the day. Twilight, or the gloaming, has always been one of my favourite parts of a day.  After I got off the bus in Ocean Park, the sun highlighted the many colours of the trees and flowers as if someone had suddenly decided that the green leaves had to be a bit more of a golden shade and the purple rhododendrons had to be more purple than they are during the day.  Tulips stood up, proudly, in many different colours even brighter than in the middle of the day.

I always love being near the ocean and today I didn't go down to the beach, but there's a view before the bus turns on Thrift Avenue in White Rock.  Sparkles of white appear like diamonds among the turquoise and blue of the water.  I've seen the sun go down many times on the beach and can well imagine the many who go down just to look at the sunset with the sun beams sprayed out between a few of the clouds just before the sun goes down.

I know that I must sound horribly saccharine right now and I know I'm about to go into a major cliche, but here it goes: always take time to smell and look at the flowers!  I used to hate that clliche but I'm amazed at the times where I"ve stood still like I've been struck by lightening taking in the early evening smells and colours.

Jason White with beautiful White Rock sunset. Two beautiful things! How lucky!

How easy it would be to say that your memory is distracting me from the future. It would be so easy to say "I can't do it anymore!" When you were alive, you pushed me to be the very best, giving me loving encouragement! You would never let me give up or play the victim card. You push me forward still, though I find myself with tears in my eyes from time to time. I made you a promise and I'm going to keep it, sweetheart! I told you I'd keep going even if it hurt! It was a promise that was difficult to keep, but keep it, I will!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Wedding on the Beach

What a perfect spot to get married.
Crystal lights on the water lit by the sun,
Family and friends, arm in arm, as witnesses.
Seagulls flying overhead!

May your marriage by long, happy, and healthy!