I've spent almost 48 years in a state of fear or should I say fears. They are crazy, irrational fears, most of them. Some were rational fears, I think from situations in life I had to face up to and make decisions despite these fears. I'm no different from most people on this planet. Everyone struggles with stomache tightening, dizzying, scream-inducing phobias of some kind. My worst fear (along with death, snakes, etc.) is MATH!
Some of my fears I fought through as I knew I had to get to a specific destination. I knew that I feared moving to the coast--feared moving without Jason period. I moved from our home to an apartment on my own and feared being alone. That fear didn't end, but I grew to love my little apartment. The next step was leaving Calgary. That was supposed to be one Jason and I did together! I did it, though, despite my fear I was deserting him and realized I still have him when I'm on the beach.
I'm fearing not finding work. That's still true, but the coast is a HUGE area and I fight past my shyness and hand in resumes anyway.
I'm heading back to school--hopefully. To get there, I need to pass a MATH test to qualify for entering the Bachelor of Arts program. MATH! That's a four-letter word! I have to do this as I want, desperately, to get into university and I haven't done MATH since high school. I had a major MATH phobia since grade 1. My stomache would feel sick everytime I saw the teacher pull out the math booklets It became a self-fulfilling prophecy: I can't do math! It didn't help when I had to go up to the board and do the problem in front of the entire class as I went through the grades.
# + (for the moment, I'm really not swearing).
Right now, I'm surrounded by scrap paper, pencils, a math textbook and have a MATH website (at this point minimized) on my screen. I'm experiencing something I wish I had experienced when I was very young: I'm having some fun! If I can get through this and get the majority of other on-line math quizzes correct, I might at least do a good fifty percent. Okay, maybe more. The point is, my stomache is tight with good excitement. Yesterday, I almost didn't want to leave my computer. I was doing multiplication of fractions and integers and other things I can multiply. I had a few questions that I had to look at again, but I did some more and got more right. I'm not saying, for a moment, that I'll never freeze again when called upon to answer a question related to MATH, but the worst of it is getting past me. I might have to go back to the basics, but that's okay. The fact is, I'm enjoying myself with Math for the first time in a very long time.