Days Like This

It's days like this,

       Where the grey of the sky matches the cold gray of the ocean water,
       Where the rain mixes with snow after the sun comes out, briefly promising a new day,
       Where a heart, not ready for the season, wants to shut out the too-early Christmas music,
        and the ho, ho, ho's of the mall Santa making me want to hide.

It's days like this,

        Where the moods of those around can't be shut out,
        Where the self-importance of a few people who earn more than I do,
               can seem to knock me below ground,
      
       That I have to work harder at seeing the blue in the sky,
       The green of the grass and plant life still breathing, and the promise of goals met.

       That I need to look harder into myself to say "Are those people that important?"
       That I have goals and, as hard as it is some days, I will achieve them!




     

Bucket List : Numbers 14 to 21.

14.  Drive a tractor on a farm.
15.  Visit Northern Ireland where my Great Grandmother, Annie Harbottle, was born.
16.  Visit Carrington, North Dakota, where my Grandmother, Violet Hughes, was born.
17.  Go skiing at Whistler (I've skiied before, but never at Whistler).
18. Work as a Library Tech at a library for longer than 3 years.
19. Complete Degree requirements, get BA and then MLIS (even if I'm 80 when I'm done!)
20. Live on a houseboat.
21. Ride a canal boat through Britain and Europe (doesn't have to be fancy, just floats well).

Bucket List : Numbers 11, 12, and 13.

I've always wanted to go back to Zambia (or anywhere in Africa) so:

11.  Volunteer at an orphanage.
12. Take a safari.
13.  Place flowers on the grave of my foster sister, Ruth Nakazwe.

Bucket List 6-10

6. Get over my fear of snakes by staying in Australia or any of the countries in earlier postings.
7. Get more singing lessons.
8. Ride in a hot air balloon.
9. Hike the Chilkoot Trail in the Yukon up to Dawson City.
10. Sing in a nightclub.

Count on it, I'll be coming up with more.
11-15 coming up tomorrow.

Bucket List

I do not plan to kick the bucket anyday soon, but I have constructed a list of all things (so far) that I want to achieve or try in my life.  I sometimes get diverted but it's always there in the back of my mind.  Here they are, as I said, so far:

1. Ride a camel.
2. Ride a horse (I have ridden a horse...I just want to ride more often).
3. Stay in a yurt for a few weeks and write about what's like.
4. Cut a cd.  (If Susan Boyle can do it, so can I).
5. Ride an elephant (in India or Africa).


I have many others, but I have to go get ready for a dinner party.  Stay tuned!

Open Your Eyes

I'm still haunted by it.  The sound of voices all over the ICU ward, "Open your eyes, Jason!", "Open your eyes, George" and etc.  I also wanted your eyes to open but who could know the peace that lay behind your closed lids.  I hope it was peace.  After your body became exhausted by it's convulsions, your new heart valve beating strong, you were no longer the man with his bright eyes and beautiful smile.  You left me on Saturday although your body quit on Easter Monday.

I promised I'd move on, as hard as it was.  I was hoping you'd open your eyes and say, "Kidding!"  It would be a sick joke in many ways, but at least you'd still be with me. 

I see beauty all around me, the gorgeous green and blue of the ocean, bald eagles, rabbits and racoons.  I'm finally opening my eyes to beauty instead of keeping them closed, protecting myself against the reality you are no longer there.  You once wondered in anger, "do I make any difference to you?"  Oh, yes, you do and did.  My shell, which was tough and determined to stay on, is coming off and I'm seeing the sun again and it feels warm.

Signs of the Future (title for now)

I was exhausted...but not in a bad way.  I had just came from a workshop called "Learning for Life: Web-based Skill-Building Modules".  It was a job skills workshop that left me both exhausted.and exhilherated!

Most of the workshops that I have or will go to have two times: one, for the deaf and one, (in the afternoon) for the hard of hearing.  That afternoon, the facilitator signed the whole workshop and an interpreter was on hand to interpret Karen's spirited signing and for those of us (only two) who were hard of hearing and didn't understand ASL (American Sign Language).  That will be yet another course I want to take and am already trying (when I can) to practice some of it.

Was there silence in that little room?  Oh, no!  It was actually pretty noisy and exciting.  When you get six people signing all at once(including the interpreter), it's very noisy!  Donna also signed anything I or Joanna wanted to ask or say. 

I looked back and forth between Karen and Donna, trying, alternatively, to listen to Karen and to read Donna's lips.

I'd been to many employment skills workshops since my youth, but nothing, nothing, came close to today's feeling of wanting to be prepared for work.  I felt validated, hearing the stories of other people's struggles with employment; for instance, bosses that don't want to take the time or trouble to listen a little longer or provide what could help the employee perform their job better.  It was also good to hear that I wasn't the only one, where people just assumed I could read lips.  I do better than I used to, but I still have a ways to go and need to ask repeatedly what people say.  Some say "just talking to myself" or "never mind."  They don't help with communication.  I really want to hear what people say.

I still have over a week of more workshops and look forward to them all!  It is so empowering to be around so many great people with different ranges of hearing loss.  The facilitator can drive!  I know, I shouldn't be surprised, but one of the reasons I've held off on getting my license is my inabiltiy to hear some sounds behind me.  If Karen can do it, so can I!